a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
