I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
