I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
