I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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