So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
