hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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