Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
