dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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