that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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