Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
