i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
