They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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