Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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