I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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