She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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