Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
