Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
