I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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