i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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