New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
