You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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