ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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