an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
