What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
