I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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