I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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