make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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