I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
