I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
