I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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