I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
