The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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