I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
