need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
