I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
