how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
