Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
