First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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