Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just found puke in my bra..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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