Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
