This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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