guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
