So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
