he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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