She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
