My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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