How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
