Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
