this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That accounts for only three of the penises
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
