I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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