Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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