Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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