whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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