I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
