We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
