Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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