how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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