I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
