Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
