nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
