Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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