i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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