trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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