Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
